Now that National Don't Change the Front Page month is over, I am all about updating. Plus, my travel season has resumed and once again I have huge expanses of time to fill while waiting for transport or lodging.
About ten days ago, I found out I needed to attend a conference in Scottsdale, AZ. It is being held at Awesomely Beautiful Expensive Resort. Of course, being that I decided to attend so late, the resort was booked when I tried to make a reservation. I asked the convention organizer for a recommendation and she told me to contact the local tourist bureau. They told me there was a resort a quarter of a mile down the road from the good resort, so it would be a quick drive. Now, I have legs, and I know how to use them- so I figured I would just walk this distance and save the car rental expense. On top of that, the price they quoted for this other resort was about a third of the good one. And the room was really a junior apartment; with a dining room, sofa bed, full kitchen, etc...
So I know there's going to be a catch, because that type of room shouldn't be that cheap...but I didn't realize that the catch would be that the resort is a TIME SHARE. It's one of those places where you buy "a piece of the resort" so you can "take charge of your family vacation." Families stay for two weeks or they can trade for one week at a sister resort. So it's more like a weird little "cheap condo away from home." To be fair, it is everything they described- there's a kitchen I can cook in and a dining room to eat in. But there's no restaurant or business center like I'm used to when traveling for business. I can't order room service or grab a cocktail. There's no fax machine or internet connections. But I can buy a frozen burrito to heat up in my room or borrow a tennis racket. Which would be useful if I were on vacation, but I specifically told them I needed two nights close to the good resort for a work convention.
When I left to take the walk that brought me to the Kinko's that I am posting from; the last sight I saw as I left the compound was a man wearing the filthiest shorts I have ever seen and nothing else. He was sitting on a park bench eating off-brand cheese curls while watching his three hot dogs cook on the community grill. The last phone call I got in my room was a woman trying to convince me to come to a meeting about investing in the resort. The call opened with, "Do you like to go nice places when you travel?" There are a million snappy answers to that question, but I wasn't feeling sassy, so I just said "sure." So she tried to lure me downstairs with a free trip to BRANSON, MISSOURI. I almost tripped over myself trying to get to the lobby. But then I changed my mind and just heated up the ramen noodles I bought in the gift shop.
Unintentional Comedy Gold.
And I do think the walk is only a quarter mile, but it's on a dirt road (fun in my suit and heels) and you can't get past the gates without someone offering you a "surprise gift" or $25 at "a leading restaurant chain." So I'm just pretending to stay at the convention hotel. I've gotten a massage, sat in their inhalation and steam rooms, and used their computer equipment. They're treating me very well and being kind enough not to question whether I actually am entitled to these services.
Ok, I am starving because I've only eaten what they have at the gift shop since I got there. For those tracking my diet that includes: a frozen steak chimichanga, apple jacks, ramen noodles, rocky road ice cream, and some pretzels. Time to either to find food at the place I'm pretending I'm staying at, or walk down another dirt road in search of groceries. There's no way I'm accepting food from my resort. I'll end up in debt in Branson.
That's it for now. I'm going to San Diego next week, and nothing funny will happen, but I'll still get bored. As such, WATCH THIS SPACE. |
