Need to kill some time today? Of course you do. So I'm going to write about my appointment with the sleep doctor. It was 20 hours long, so hopefully this will entertain you for five whole minutes.
My appointment was Wednesday night at 9:00, and as I mentioned elsewhere, I wasn't allowed to sleep before I got there. I did fall asleep sitting up for twenty minutes at around 7:00, but it wasn't a decision that I made, it just happened. Which, I guess, was why I was going in the first place.
I packed some clothes, books, and a pillow and headed to the clinic. I felt really weird walking around clutching a pillow at a doctor's office, until I noticed everyone else had a pillow too. I gave them my name and they led me to Sleep Room 7, which reminded me of Las Vegas, in that there were no clocks and no windows. Other than that, I guess it reminded me of every boring hotel room I've slept in lately.
They told me to change into pajamas, get ready for bed, and fill out a questionnaire and a technician would be in to see me within the hour. The questionnaire asked me to rate how nervous and uncomfortable I was at the time- and really, since I do sleep in rooms and beds I'm not familiar with all the time, I was mostly just concerned about when they were going to finally let me sleep.
I had gotten comfortable and was reading a magazine when a technician came in, looked at me for a second, then said "um...sorry to make you wait longer....but I need to go get something..." She already had an entire cart full of wires and tubes, so imagining what else she thought she needed did start to make me a little nervous. But when she came back she was just carrying two black straps... "I guess you're not here for sleep apnea," she said. Nope. "Yeah, most of the people here are here for sleep apnea, and they're generally, uhh...well...umm...they're really fat. I had to go hunt done smaller straps for you- these are the smallest we have, I hope they'll work." And I'm smiling to myself, being glad they don't need large straps for me....wait, though...straps? Nobody mentioned straps....
"One goes around your waist and connects some wires, and one goes around your chest and hold your breathing monitor in place- these should be small enough." I wanted to tell her a small might not be big enough for my chest because... well at least my left... well... ok, the small will be just fine for my chest.
The straps go on. Then electrodes are stuck to my face with stickers. Then she gets out some PASTE and starts putting it in my hair. I haven't had paste in my hair since I was four, and it's not a sensation I missed. She noted my look of general ickiness and told me that it would wash out with really hot water in the morning- but as soon as I dried my hair they would be putting more in. Then my legs got wired. Then I got a nose tube. Then a glowing red pulse monitor is attached to my finger, so I've got the ET thing going on. A black box was laid next to me and all 30 wires and tubes were connected to it. "Now try and get comfortable, " she says.
Right. It's not as bad as I expected, everything is attached pretty well, so I can at least turn over and move around in the bed. But if I have to get up at all, I have to yell at an intercom on the wall and have someone come unhook me. And of course, not 10 minutes after she has me hooked up, I have to go to the bathroom. But after the unhooking and rehooking, I am ready to go to sleep, and I feel like I did after only a half hour or so.
I did wake up once at some undetermined time (remember, it's like Vegas) and had to have someone unhook me, but otherwise I feel like I slept through the night. I was awakened by the intercom and someone came to unhook me and told me that it was 8:15 and they were going to take all the wires off and I could take a shower. At that point, I realized that in my sleep, I had tied my ankles together with wires, and while I was working on freeing myself, the day nurse came in and without warning just tore all the electordes off my face. (I still look like someone knocked me around a little this monring.) It took about a half hour to get the paste out of my hair, but I felt pretty good- my main concern being finding out if the Sox won the night before. I flipped on the TV and brushed my teeth waiting for the scores to scroll by. When I see that the Sox won, I throw my arms up in the air and start jumping around with my toothbrush in my mouth.... right under the camera that's been videotaping my every move.
It was time for the day time study.... that was pretty crazy, but I'm tired of writing right now, and I have a JOB, so I'll finish that up a little later. Happy Friday.
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